the bukowski clause.

the bukowski clause is the addendum to the rules of attraction that allows unattractive, alcoholic pieces of shit to attract beautiful, interesting women thanks to their reputation for creating works of art about the beauty of interesting women and/or their own interest in beautiful women.

my contribution to humanity:

if you're attracted to someone who has dated/fucked more people you know than the number of years you've known them, don't date/fuck them.

there are so many people i wish i could just be in a room with and talk with and listen to and listen to music with. but i can't. they live too far away or they don't talk to me anymore or they're leaving or they can't be in a room with the other people i'd like to be in a room with.

Turtles

I don’t live in a world where turtles pile on each others backs to hold us up. We have the internet and smart phones. And all the turtles, going all the way down, are things to talk about at dinner to show that you read books. And everyone knows what everyone means and everyone I know has a twitter page and that’s how I know them now. And kids don’t believe in love and adults believe in movie love. And I wonder how we can have a relationship if I know someday I will no longer want to fuck you and you’ll think that means I don’t love you, but it

doesn’t. and every one thinks no one else is scared or embarrassed by who they are. Except on the internet where sometimes people say that but they aren’t them anymore, although I guess that line is blurring, so maybe that’s what all the confusion is about. And everyone is online shopping for husbands and girl friends and prom shoes and tits and I can’t help but think boys are learning while we are doing our hair. They are good at trivial pursuit and jeopardy. I tried to google the percentage of female jeopardy champions and black champions and all I could come up with was a blog called men are better then women, a geocities site that used the word oriental to describe asian contestants and a white power website. If you don’t believe that racism exists look at the aol comment section in any news story. If you want to see how we think of women google the word girl. You will find lots of hot and sexy ones.

In the modern world the stupid are cocksure

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning_kruger_effect

bird vengeance

he doesn't know who he fucked with...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7470871.stm

not divisble by the number 3

i am cringing at this conversation had before and how i will carefully select my words to mask how i really feel, so you don't hate me, not yet. nope, you're still an in between to some settlement that'll make everyone more comfortable, me included... but, i'm holding out. and doing a decent job, i should add.

but, he'd know that i am somewhat of a silly girl, and realize that i've been with the in betweens so long that i've neglected genius and madness and settled into tv watching and gossip. no, not settled, not quite yet...

having feelings for a dead man that hated things not divisible by the number 3 surely seems to be a recipe for dying alone.

this was my bathroom reading as a child

Aside from the need to breathe, feed and procreate the most common thing we (individuals, groups, communities, nations, etc.) share is a fundamental disrespect and lack of consideration for women as human beings and not vessels of temptation and ruin.

Anti-Feelings Campaign.

7:22am

each morning, save the ones i spend in her bed, i watch the ceiling fan turn hoping to find something hypnotic, calming in its autonomy. but it never comes. it's just alternating space and dust-covered wood moving through the thick humidity of this makeshift bedroom. save the days i've been lucky enough to share a bed with alternating hers, i've been sleeping on this couch for far too long. my throat is hot and most mornings feel like summer, just the parts i hate most about summer. i am not enough water and too many words, wishing your hands were here to run over. the world tells me i think too much, about you and it, and sometimes i agree but never in the morning. in the morning i just want your hands here. your fingers wrapped around which ever thumb of mine you like best, tightening vice as you fall into sleep. in the morning i am too honest to pretend that every story isn't somehow rooted in love. i am too honest to write about the world when all i want are your hands. one on my chest, fingertips grazing carrion, and the other fixed 'round which ever thumb of mine you like best.

-lamon

i can still go there

i would like to breath in air that smells different... Chicago, at its best, is barbeque and sweat, but winter is coming and whether or not soot has a smell my nose will conspire with my eyes to make one.


-samantha

how to serve man.

that's not a hand. ii's a claw. and this is not a song. it's an exorcism of numbness. we are not in my bedroom anymore. it's a prison camp that i've been stuck in. this isn't skin. it's a scramble suit with a thousand me's rotating. that's not your mouth, its a boredom generator powered by irritation. we aren't a couple. we're isolationists who tried to use the buddy system. and that wasn't sex. It was a competition for power that I'm clearly winning.

this ain't a break up. i like to think of it as a stay of execution.

you're not a woman. you're a piranha with cutlery for dentured up smile. and i'm not a man. i'm an incomplete punchline to a joke i don't understand.

once we've mastered the art of being feeling-less we'll be able to do this.



-lamon

paris, je t'aime quartier de la madeleine

-lfm

this is what the aliens will see.

where on earth are all these friendly, naked white people?

the miles ache like stillborns and cherubim choked on words to sweeten my failures and your therapist's notes.

-lfm

FUCK

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

a few more things.

1. i am considering reinstating the great platonic cuddling moratorium of 2005. if i'm going to get used i should at least get kissed.

2. sleep alone, sleep at home is official mantra for the summer. this in conjunction with re-upping on the platonic cuddling moratorium should ensure that i will have a long lonely summer. the only solace will be that it will be on my own terms.

3. goodbye, disappointment. the first few weeks of knowing you were nice. fuck everything after the first week of december.

4. coming soon...tour of heartbreak '09 presents the unrequited love diet. love is not a verb. it's a sickness.

5. she don't love you if she wouldn't gut you and hang you with your lower intestine, or at least threaten it.


-lfm

i'm considering accepting a dowry of health insurance and a dishwasher.

this summer is better than last.
a conversation i had on goodreads.com with a total stranger from last summer:
(start at the bottom)

	you said to Paddy: i am officially a mess. strep throat and a new cast that goes past my elbow. distract me from pitying myself. please.	07/03/2008 07:32PM view | delete
	Paddy said to you: ha ha, sounds like a great deal! Have you been inundated with offers?! Sorry to hear about the gangrene. hope you're well otherwise! P	06/29/2008 03:42AM view | save | trash
	you said to Paddy: achy and not so pleasant smelling. i'm considering accepting a dowry of health insurance and a dishwasher.	06/28/2008 01:30AM view | delete
	Paddy said to you: how's the wrist this week? are the dishes piling up?!	06/27/2008 03:01AM view | save | trash
	you said to Paddy: no, it doesn't hurt - just annoying. and, at least i have an excuse for not doing the dishes.	06/18/2008 12:07PM view | delete
	Paddy said to you: gosh, I'm sorry to hear that, hope it doesn't hurt too much. 10 hours?! fuck, that's **unbelievable**! I hope you're OK now.	06/16/2008 05:27AM view | save | trash
	you said to Paddy: stereotypes. what fun! i did indeed break my wrist. the best part was waiting for 10 hours at the hospital for care (no health insurance). to answer the why, I fell off a building trying to be cool. in my defense, it was slippery.	06/15/2008 11:55PM view | delete
	Paddy said to you: he he, you American girls are so direct... How did you hurt your wrist? Cracking the whip?! P	06/13/2008 07:17AM view | unsave | trash
	you said to Paddy: um, i expect more from an author.... although you are english and rumor has it you're into formalities. imma chicagoan so we don't really do that. i am sorta well, although i am pretty sure i broke my wrist, which is better than dying i suppose, but pretty uncomfortable. be good. samantha	06/13/2008 01:20AM view | delete
	Paddy said to you: Hi Raiza, thanks for the add, great to be in touch! Hope you're well, Paddy